My alarm went off this morning at 5:45AM which is pretty typical. What happened next was not at all part of my normal routing. First I hit the snooze button and cuddled up closer to my honey. I was not ready to start the day. Then I reminded myself I had to work at 8:00 and I better get moving. I reached for the phone to turn off the alarm and hit a glass of water. I knocked it over and heard the gentle pouring of the contents all over my nightstand. “Shit, shit” I uttered and tried to get myself up. I was moving in slow motion and having trouble opening my eyes. By the time my feet hit the floor the water was running off of the table, over my journals and onto the floor.
You know that feeling when you are on a roll? When everything is flowing along and all is good? When it feels like you can do nothing wrong? For the last few months, I have not been on a roll… I feel rather out of sync lately and not in the groove. I have been in kind of a weird head space where I am not being negative in there but certainly not smelling the roses either! I have to shake this feeling and get back on track.
Did you play Domino’s as a kid? We played lots of games but I don’t remember Domino’s until Mother Fran, Child #5 and Child #7 taught me Mexican Train as an adult. All I remember as a kid, is standing them up tall in zig zagging lines, gently knocking one down so I could watch it knock the next one and then the whole line would fall one after another.
When you feel stuck in life, where every day feels hard and just like the one before it. When you wake up feeling tired and go to bed feeling exhausted, when concentrating on the task at hand feels as difficult as putting a man on the moon or a women in the oval office. At times like these, you are in a rut as big as the state of Texas and it feels absurd to think there is a way out. Trust me, at times like these you don’t need a miracle.
Knocking down one domino is like taking that first step out of the rut. That first step is like taking a breath of fresh air and feeling the sunshine on your face when all you have felt for what seems like forever is being smothered in gray, listless fog. That first step doesn’t need to be a big one, it doesn’t need to be a leap, it just needs to be in the right direction.
We had a friend over for dinner recently. She was in a big ole rut for a long time and did not feel able or willing to take that first step. I don’t know what her personal first step was but I know that over the last six months she has quieted the devil on her shoulder and has let the angel speak. She is seeing a therapist she trusts and has a new outlook on life. She has ended a toxic relationship, lost 20 pounds and looks and feels wonderful. She is learning all about this new person she is becoming and I am so happy for her.
The dominos represent all of the barriers to change that we erect in our way of living the life we yearn to live. In our mind, those barriers look huge and insurmountable. When in the rut, we don’t believe we have any influence on the barriers and the negative voice in our head confirms this for us every single minute.
When we churn over a problem using the same methods we always do, it is like watching the same movie over and over and the result never changes. Kind of like “Groundhogs Day”! When we change the way we view them, by looking at the situation differently, by changing the narrative in our head, we can see new ways to approach the barriers (dominos).
I am reading a book titled “Maybe It’s You: Cut the Crap. Face Your Fears. Love Your Life.” by Lauren Handel Zander. I haven’t finished all of the exercises yet but I like the way they have gotten me to think about life. She recommends writing down your dream life in 12 different areas including relationships, your physical body, work etc. You write down your dream life in the present tense as if you are already living this life. This is a great strategy to begin to change the narrative in your head. I bet if you read those dreams out loud every day, if you direct the voice in your head to recite the dream vs the negative crap it usually spews, one of those dominos will fall.
I use this blog as my therapy. There, I said it – my secret is out. I don’t write for you or for my friends or family. I write this blog for me. I write to keep myself sane. I write to figure out how to solve big and small problems. I write to make better decisions day in and day out. If you follow this blog at all, you know that I have been slacking lately. One of my goals for 2018 was to average six posts per month. I am currently averaging less than four. Oops – time to get back on track.
