I was talking to a co-worker recently and the topic turned to childhood games. We spent several minutes reminiscing about Pong, Space Invader’s and the Rubik’s Cube. He said the best he ever did in terms of solving the cube was to get one side all of the same color. He would haphazardly turn the sections attempting to do better but could never get more than one side done. In desperation, he peeled off all of the stickers and put them back on where he wanted them. I have actually solved it multiple times (without cheating) but never fully understood what I did to make that happen.
Did you play Domino’s as a kid? We played lots of games but I don’t remember Domino’s until Mother Fran, Child #5 and Child #7 taught me Mexican Train as an adult. All I remember as a kid, is standing them up tall in zig zagging lines, gently knocking one down so I could watch it knock the next one and then the whole line would fall one after another.
When you feel stuck in life, where every day feels hard and just like the one before it. When you wake up feeling tired and go to bed feeling exhausted, when concentrating on the task at hand feels as difficult as putting a man on the moon or a women in the oval office. At times like these, you are in a rut as big as the state of Texas and it feels absurd to think there is a way out. Trust me, at times like these you don’t need a miracle.
Knocking down one domino is like taking that first step out of the rut. That first step is like taking a breath of fresh air and feeling the sunshine on your face when all you have felt for what seems like forever is being smothered in gray, listless fog. That first step doesn’t need to be a big one, it doesn’t need to be a leap, it just needs to be in the right direction.
We had a friend over for dinner recently. She was in a big ole rut for a long time and did not feel able or willing to take that first step. I don’t know what her personal first step was but I know that over the last six months she has quieted the devil on her shoulder and has let the angel speak. She is seeing a therapist she trusts and has a new outlook on life. She has ended a toxic relationship, lost 20 pounds and looks and feels wonderful. She is learning all about this new person she is becoming and I am so happy for her.
The dominos represent all of the barriers to change that we erect in our way of living the life we yearn to live. In our mind, those barriers look huge and insurmountable. When in the rut, we don’t believe we have any influence on the barriers and the negative voice in our head confirms this for us every single minute.
When we churn over a problem using the same methods we always do, it is like watching the same movie over and over and the result never changes. Kind of like “Groundhogs Day”! When we change the way we view them, by looking at the situation differently, by changing the narrative in our head, we can see new ways to approach the barriers (dominos).
I am reading a book titled “Maybe It’s You: Cut the Crap. Face Your Fears. Love Your Life.” by Lauren Handel Zander. I haven’t finished all of the exercises yet but I like the way they have gotten me to think about life. She recommends writing down your dream life in 12 different areas including relationships, your physical body, work etc. You write down your dream life in the present tense as if you are already living this life. This is a great strategy to begin to change the narrative in your head. I bet if you read those dreams out loud every day, if you direct the voice in your head to recite the dream vs the negative crap it usually spews, one of those dominos will fall.
I like to think of myself as someone who doesn’t let the weather interfere with my plans. When a friend or loved one tries to back out of a planned event or won’t commit to something because “it might rain”, ” let’s see what the weather looks like”, or it is “supposed to be really cold” I like to say I don’t melt and get them to try to see things my way! At times, my honey has to remind me of this as well!
I live in the Finger Lakes Region of New York State and it is freaking cold in the winter. I have been bundling up with so many layers that I can barely move. Fenway seriously doesn’t melt and doesn’t care what the weather is, she just wants to go on her walks and sniff her way through the neighborhood! She is not an obligation but a celebration and I cherish my time with her.
I love to cook. I usually have a main ingredient in mind and then start perusing the fridge and the cabinets to see what else is on hand that I can toss in the pot. I think about what protein I want, what fresh vegetables I have and the spices that will bring it all alive.
Preparing dinner is my down time at the end of the work day. I usually drink a glass of wine or an ice cold IPA while cooking and sing along to my favorite tunes. I start a meal while still thinking about what else to add to it and the final product is often nothing like what I had in mind when I started. I will stop what I am doing to run out to the garden to pick some fresh basil, parsley and tomatoes or at the last minute prepare some type of sauce or salsa to top it all off.
I love homegrown tomatoes!
You see, I am not a perfectionist when I cook in the kitchen. I am more of a creator or a sculptor.
Laughing out Loud!!! Ok, Ok. That is a stretch. No one has ever accused me of being an Artist in any way, shape or form.
