It Takes 9

My parents had nine kids that are spread out over the East Coast. Mother Fran is the glue that holds us together. We don’t always talk on the phone or see each other often but we all share one thing in common. We all love Mother Fran like crazy. It is funny because she is not overly warm or affectionate. She didn’t spoil any of her kids and doesn’t give lavish presents. She is not a doting mother or grandmother. Somehow she and Papa Jack raised nine kids who all adore her. How did they do it?

Mother Fran has always been a bit of a health nut and has enjoyed good health into her 90’s. She likes to keep active both physically and mentally. Since February, she has visited the emergency room twice and been admitted to the hospital twice. This time period has been a whirlwind for my family and it isn’t over by far. We have decided to continue to provide 24 hour care for her at home as she isn’t out of the woods and should not be alone.

I recently wrote about my first 2 weeks of my extended vacation, also known as my Mini/Semi retirement. Week Three of that visit with Mother Fran and Child #7, was when things started to go downhill. Mother Fran began to experience shortness of breath and we debated going to the doctor on Friday. By Sunday morning it had gotten worse and we decided to head to the emergency room. My sister and I got Mom and the transport wheelchair into the car and headed off to hospital. My honey stayed behind and took care of the pup.

The ER staff were great and Mother Fran was a priority patient as she had low blood pressure and some chest pain on top of her shortness of breath. She ended up getting admitted to the Intensive Care Unit for four nights and another night on the cardiac unit. We were able to stay with her 24 hours a day while she was in the ICU which was a blessing for all of us.

My sister, Child#7 and I spent the first day and night together in the ICU both of us keeping a watchful eye on Mom and on the monitors. After that, we made sure one of us was pretty much always with her. On my first night alone with her, this is what I wrote.

I find myself staring at you while you sleep. My attention is drawn to your face, a face I have known since birth. I watch you breathe, I wait for the rise and fall of your chest. I listen to you cough, I hear you mumble to yourself, “oh golly”, “oh geez”.

When I see you open your eyes, I try to discern if you are in pain, if you are really awake. I see your eyes dart to me, to the clock and then close again. I watch the monitor as it measures your heart rate, your oxygen, your respirations, and your blood pressure. Every 15 minutes, the numbers get updated and I nervously watch when they go too high or too low. I listen for the beep that alerts the nurses waiting outside the door. That first night, you had chest pain that you rated at 7/10 and the nurse hovered by your side.

When your heart rate went sky high I rushed to your side and was amazed when you said you didn’t feel anything. When your respirations went to zero and the machine read “apnea” again and again; I anxiously awaited your next breath. That night for hours at a time your blood pressure was scary low at 76/39 and I watched you doze on and off.

Mother Fran is 92 years old and has lived a good life. For those 4 days and nights in the ICU, she never said she was scared, she was strong and courageous. She told the cardiologist she didn’t want any type of invasive procedures and he agreed to treat her with medicine only. The three of us spent the days playing Canasta and Rummy and chatting about family. Hospital staff did a double-take when they walked by her room to see her with a fistful or cards in her hand!

I have known that patient, that face my entire life; but I had never seen her like this. There was a board in her room where the nurses wrote down something they learned about Mother Fran during their shift. One day it says “you have 9 kids” and another it said “you are planning a trip to your lake house”. I am grateful for the nurses and doctors that provided excellent care.

When she got home, Child #2 and Child #3 drove from Virginia and spent several days with us. We took turns manning the Mother Fran Monitor so we could get up with her as needed. The day they left, Child # 1 and her partner joined us. When they arrived, we spent 2 days with them to orient them to the Mother Fran routine of medicine, daily vitals and visits by the home care agency.

It doesn’t take a background in the medical field to know when things don’t look right. Mother Fran ended up back in the hospital a few days later and more family members arrived. She spent 5 more days in the hospital getting her medications modified. Two of her grandkids (from Child #4) drove down from Charlotte to surprise her and to check in on her. After she returned home, Number 9 made the drive from Upstate New York and spent a week helping Child #7 and Mother Fran. There is only so much Canasta #7 can play!

By now, over the course of a month, Mother Fran had spoken to all of her kids and seen 7 of her kids or their representatives! Child #2 and her hubby decided to return so Number 9 could drive back to NY to be with his wife during this Covid19 pandemic. My sister #6 and her husband will drive from Georgia next and then I return. My brother #5 will come down while I am there.

It takes 9. It takes 9 of us to love her, to care for her, to keep her safe. I have never been so grateful for my siblings and my extended family. I am especially grateful for Child #7 who has lived with Mother Fran since our father passed away in 1994. For over 25 years, she has been point person for medical appointments, grocery shopping, homecare, transportation and entertainment. I am beyond grateful for the incredible care and love she provides.

I am grateful for the Mother Fran Calendar that we can all access to let each other know when we will be there and when her appointments are scheduled. Child #7 adds when she is super busy at work so we know priority times.

I am grateful for the daily sibling text thread that begins with someone asking “how was her night”? Whoever is with Mother Fran responds and we get updates regarding physical therapy nursing and medical appointments. We get pictures of Mother Fran playing cards, working on her puzzle and reading in the sun. The text thread always communicates the necessary information but it does more than that. It keeps us in touch connected and often laughing out loud. It takes 9 and I am grateful for the entire clan!

Love my family!

Lake Girl (Child #8, Daughter #6)

Mother Fran is a remarkable lady!

Mother Fran is good with money!