Do you ever feel two ways about something at the same time? I am staring at a painting, that was created by an individual with a developmental disability at my old job. It is a really beautiful painting of 10 elephants on a green and yellow background. I purchased it about 10 years ago and love to look at it. At the same time though I get a little upset looking at it. We had hired a teacher to help people create and sell art but looking back he did too much. He wanted things to look a certain way and would get overly involved in the person’s work. I remember this client asking me if the teacher had to touch his stuff!
Do you ever feel two ways about something at the same time? That feeling creates ambivalence and ambivalence is at the root of why we don’t fully commit to our goals. Resolving this ambivalence can be a game changer to taking those first few steps toward getting unstuck and moving forward in our pursuit of health, wealth and happiness.
If we are not fully committed to our goals, our chance of success is slim. Life itself gets in the way and if we are giving ourselves an out before we even start; the change we wish to make will remain a thought with no action. Also known as a dream! Can you related to any of these statements?
- I want to lose weight BUT I just love brownies and cookies.
- I know I need to quit smoking BUT it relaxes me.
- I would like to meditate BUT I don’t have the time.
- I want to increase my contribution to my IRA BUT the car needs tires.
The BUT in each statement allows an excuse to slip into our conversation before we even consider how to make it happen. BUT allows for ambivalence about doing what we say we want to do. It gives a built in reason not to make the change we say we want to make. Using BUT is allowing the negative self talk to drown out the positive talk.
What if we changed BUT to AND?
- I want to lose weight AND I love brownies and cookies.
- I know I need to quit smoking AND it relaxes me.
- I like to meditate AND I don’t have the time.
- I want to increase my contribution to my IRA AND the car needs tires.
The AND in each statement does not make an excuse, it makes me think about how to solve my concern. If I want to lose weight AND I love brownies and cookies how can I meet my needs? I could limit the amount of sweets I eat. I could try to lose weight by changing my overall eating pattern (not just reducing sweets). If I want to quit smoking AND it relaxes me how can I meet my goal? I could find alternative ways to relax before going cold turkey.
If I like to meditate AND I don’t have the time, I could use my commute to listen to books on meditation, I could cut out 10 minutes of television and meditate instead. If I want to increase my contribution to my IRA AND the car needs new tires; where can I trim my budget to make both happen? Could I get a side gig for a few months to pay for the tires?
The pursuit of health, wealth and happiness is not a straight line, it is full of twists and turns. Sometimes we take two steps forward and one step backward. When we get clear about our goals we reduce our ambivalence and that keeps us moving in the right direction. Changing our BUT to AND is a simple trick to helping reduce ambivalence. Once we are ready, willing and able to change we will do what needs doing and get it done.
Other posts related to this topic are:
Change Your Perspective, Tired of Stinking Thinking? and 5 Minutes is Easy!
What are you ambivalent about? What steps can you take to resolve your ambivalence? Is it time to get off of the couch?
Lake Girl
Image by Rolf Dobberstein from Pixabay