My sisters and I have been updating each other on the phone and by text of how we have been spending our time while social distancing! This post was inspired by those conversations! Thanks to Mother Fran, our family bond is strong!
I like to keep myself relatively busy. I wake up most days by 6:00am and am ready to greet the day. Once I drink my tea, take my quiet time, eat some breakfast and walk the dog; I’m ready to get cracking! I’m not good at just sitting around twiddling my thumbs. Between Covid19, daily rain storms, and not working at the nursing home; I have way too much time on my hands.
Eight cardinals greeted us when we arrived at my nephew’s house at the beginning of March. Not one or two but eight. The tree was glimmering in a sea of red. Cardinal sightings give me joy and I look forward to hearing their song. Seeing a cardinal is said to be a visitor from a loved one who has passed away. When I only see one, I can’t always determine who is visiting. But eight, hell everyone who held a serious place in my heart is probably close. Now that is a comforting thought!
Not only did arrive to see eight beautiful birds, we were greeted by my nephew who had been fishing. Soon we were joined by his wife, their three amazing kids, his Mother-in-law, his dog and two baby lambs. It was quite the greeting. We spent some time just sitting around in lawn chairs talking. The lambs were only a couple of days old and wandered around freely with the kids, dogs, and chickens. I even got to bottle feed them!
The last month and a half has been a little crazy. Do you agree? It is like we have moved to a new country where the language and the customs are very different from our own. If you watch “The Flash“, it is like we have vibed to Earth 10, where all the people we know from Earth 1 are here, they have the same name, but they aren’t the same person. They cover their face with masks, wash their hands incessantly and stand 6 feet apart from everyone. They do not touch others nor spend time with people. Even my blog posts are different, with titles like “A Report From The Field” and “My World Got Crazy” and “These Are Not Normal Times”. These don’t sound like the pursuit of health, wealth and happiness.
I hear myself talking about downsizing but I never seem to accomplish this task. I say how important it is to me but I can’t seem to make any significant headway. Don’t get me wrong, I am in a better place than I was in the past but I still have too much stuff. I go into the basement and riffle through some boxes but get distracted by my stuff and by all of the boxes that don’t belong to me. I find something small I can throw out or put in a donation box, I putter for a few minutes and then give up; retreating to the living room couch to play on my computer.
I know these are trying times and I know we are stressed. I hope living in the manner we are being forced to live right now, never becomes normal for any of us. I long to be able to have friends over for dinner, to hug my family, to feel safe at work and in the community. I want to ditch the hand sanitizer, the Lysol wipes and the gloves that have taken up residence on the front seat of my car. I want to walk with my honey and my dog without having to cross the street every time we see another person. I want to be able to say YES to the kids who simply want to pet my dog.
Why is it so hard to simply enjoy the here and now? Right now, I am sitting on my couch typing this post. I can hear the sing song of my favorite bird, the cardinal. One calls, the other responds in an ongoing fashion. My dog is sleeping and I can hear her rhythmic breathing. These are all things that relax me, however at the same time, I am anxious about what is happening in the world today, I am scared for my family and friends, I am petrified for health care workers in New York City, across the country and across the globe. I am trying to not let this fear take hold in my heart.
My parents had nine kids that are spread out over the East Coast. Mother Fran is the glue that holds us together. We don’t always talk on the phone or see each other often but we all share one thing in common. We all love Mother Fran like crazy. It is funny because she is not overly warm or affectionate. She didn’t spoil any of her kids and doesn’t give lavish presents. She is not a doting mother or grandmother. Somehow she and Papa Jack raised nine kids who all adore her. How did they do it?
Mother Fran has always been a bit of a health nut and has enjoyed good health into her 90’s. She likes to keep active both physically and mentally. Since February, she has visited the emergency room twice and been admitted to the hospital twice. This time period has been a whirlwind for my family and it isn’t over by far. We have decided to continue to provide 24 hour care for her at home as she isn’t out of the woods and should not be alone.
I work in the world of rehabilitation as an Occupational Therapist. I have worked in this field for ten years in several different nursing homes. I have seen staff, co-workers, and residents come and go. I can usually remember the faces but the names escape me. There is a weird dynamic in most nursing homes between therapy and nursing. We are working with the same patients but we come from different worlds. We use different terminology to describe the same thing. You would think by now we would have figured this out.
Nursing uses words like limited assist, extensive assist and total assist to describe how much help a resident needs to transfer, bathe, toilet and dress. Therapy uses words like minimum assist, moderate assist and maximum assist to describe the exact same thing. Nursing staff strive to make sure each person is safe, clean and dressed. The therapist is working towards having the same person be as independent as possible; prepared to return to their prior level of function.
Vacation is finally here! My honey and I spent Day One driving south, to leave the snow and cold behind for a month. This is our third extended trip away from home in the last three years. It is such an amazing way to rejuvenate and relax. Life is pretty good in My Little Blue Kayak. On our first day, we drove about seven hours through Upstate, New York, Northern PA, MD and landed at Child #2 and her husbands house in Northern VA. They are on an extended vacation of their own so we didn’t even get to see them. Somewhere in PA the snow disappeared and it was a sunny day.
Did you play Domino’s as a kid? We played lots of games but I don’t remember Domino’s until Mother Fran, Child #5 and Child #7 taught me Mexican Train as an adult. All I remember as a kid, is standing them up tall in zig zagging lines, gently knocking one down so I could watch it knock the next one and then the whole line would fall one after another.
When you feel stuck in life, where every day feels hard and just like the one before it. When you wake up feeling tired and go to bed feeling exhausted, when concentrating on the task at hand feels as difficult as putting a man on the moon or a women in the oval office. At times like these, you are in a rut as big as the state of Texas and it feels absurd to think there is a way out. Trust me, at times like these you don’t need a miracle.
Knocking down one domino is like taking that first step out of the rut. That first step is like taking a breath of fresh air and feeling the sunshine on your face when all you have felt for what seems like forever is being smothered in gray, listless fog. That first step doesn’t need to be a big one, it doesn’t need to be a leap, it just needs to be in the right direction.
We had a friend over for dinner recently. She was in a big ole rut for a long time and did not feel able or willing to take that first step. I don’t know what her personal first step was but I know that over the last six months she has quieted the devil on her shoulder and has let the angel speak. She is seeing a therapist she trusts and has a new outlook on life. She has ended a toxic relationship, lost 20 pounds and looks and feels wonderful. She is learning all about this new person she is becoming and I am so happy for her.
The dominos represent all of the barriers to change that we erect in our way of living the life we yearn to live. In our mind, those barriers look huge and insurmountable. When in the rut, we don’t believe we have any influence on the barriers and the negative voice in our head confirms this for us every single minute.
When we churn over a problem using the same methods we always do, it is like watching the same movie over and over and the result never changes. Kind of like “Groundhogs Day”! When we change the way we view them, by looking at the situation differently, by changing the narrative in our head, we can see new ways to approach the barriers (dominos).
I am reading a book titled “Maybe It’s You: Cut the Crap. Face Your Fears. Love Your Life.” by Lauren Handel Zander. I haven’t finished all of the exercises yet but I like the way they have gotten me to think about life. She recommends writing down your dream life in 12 different areas including relationships, your physical body, work etc. You write down your dream life in the present tense as if you are already living this life. This is a great strategy to begin to change the narrative in your head. I bet if you read those dreams out loud every day, if you direct the voice in your head to recite the dream vs the negative crap it usually spews, one of those dominos will fall.
I like to think of myself as someone who doesn’t let the weather interfere with my plans. When a friend or loved one tries to back out of a planned event or won’t commit to something because “it might rain”, ” let’s see what the weather looks like”, or it is “supposed to be really cold” I like to say I don’t melt and get them to try to see things my way! At times, my honey has to remind me of this as well!
I live in the Finger Lakes Region of New York State and it is freaking cold in the winter. I have been bundling up with so many layers that I can barely move. Fenway seriously doesn’t melt and doesn’t care what the weather is, she just wants to go on her walks and sniff her way through the neighborhood! She is not an obligation but a celebration and I cherish my time with her.
